The Blessings of Service; The Difficulty of Patience; The Regret of Hurting Others

I’ve been blessed with many opportunities from the Lord to have much rich fellowship with my local brethren, and also with brethren in many varied locations in the United States, in Canada, and in many other parts of the world. Some of this fellowship has been by mail and email, but most has been personal contact, both locally and when I am permitted to travel to various places and spend time with the brethren, or when they are able to stay at our house for a time.

I am greatly blessed in all the time I am able to spend with the brethren, and it seems that for the most part, that they are also somewhat blessed in their fellowship with me. The Lord always seems to provide us with timely joint providences, and with topics of discussion that promote a profitable conversation between us, so that we are able to share blessings from our studies and our experiences. In many repeat opportunities with the same brethren I am always amazed at how the Lord continues to move the providences and topics along so that with each new visit we are always able to progress to greater depths, heights, and breadths of understanding of His word as it applies to our lives, and in this respect, we are able to continue to be a blessing to each other. In such experiences, I am greatly strengthened in the responsibilities the Lord has given to me, and I eagerly look forward to the next opportunity where such rich blessings might again flow. At such times I call to mind the encouragement of Isa 40:28-31.

Isa 40:28-31: “Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the LORD, The Creator of the ends of the earth, Neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. (29) He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength. (30) Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall, (31) But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.”

But I have to be honest and admit that with all the blessings that do occur in these meetings and correspondences, I often seem to expect even more to happen than does. I expect to see more immediate action and commitment from the brethren to their new understanding of the responsibilities of this race that we are in to gain “the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus” (Phs 3:14). I am amazed that I can be so rejoicing inside at one moment because of the greater understanding that I do see in them, and then somewhat sad inside at the next moment for not seeing also more growth and commitment.

I’ve even had brethren ask me at times if I am upset with them about something, because my demeanor may suddenly turn so quiet and serious. It is almost never that I am upset with them. It is suddenly that I consider at what greater position they might be, but I am sad that I don’t seem to be able to bring them to it. I often question whether I am in the right spirit when I am unable to be a blessing to them, or whether I am thinking and speaking too much from my own mind and heart, and thus not conveying the Lord’s spirit with the words I provide.

I’ve learned through experience to reconsider 1 Cor 3:6, 7 at times like this.
1 Cor 3:6 “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. (7) So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase.” When I see in the brethren a greater understanding of their need of growth and commitment, I find it is so easy to expect that this will then show immediately in greater activity and commitment. I find that I am looking for the marked ”increase” with each experience, not realizing that I am limited to the planting and watering. The increase is strictly 2 God’s, not mine. And with this remembrance, I am then able to be more at peace, and find rejoicing in the blessing of their increased understanding, and willing to wait more patiently for the Lord to provide the “increase” in commitment and activity to the understanding.

I always pray and desire that I might be only a blessing to all the brethren. But I am acutely aware that this is too often not the case. As much as I desire to bless, I find I am too often still qualified and fit to hurt, in spite of the fact that this is the last thing I want to do. I live with great regret for some time when this happens. It seems it is always due to one of two causes. Either I am running ahead of the Lord and trying to push someone to a level for which God has not yet prepared them, and they react negatively to this, or I give vent to a human reaction of frustration with them that they do not seem to be living up to the level of spiritual maturity that I see in them. In either case, it is not profitable to them, but hurtful, and it saddens me to realize that I can still be so hurtful. The realization that this is true is humbling, and I am truly grateful for this, but it would be more wonderful to have the increased maturity of spirit that would always bless and never hurt. I pray for this continuously.

I know that if I were less bold to speak and act I might avoid making so many errors of commission. But I know the Lord has called all of us to be bold and unashamed in His service, and with “full assurance of faith” in this, I would fear more to be reticent in speech and action in order to make less errors of commission, for I would then fear of making far more errors of omission, knowing that both are sins before the Lord (Ro 14:23, and Js 4:17). I pray that I might learn and mature more quickly from public exposure in the errors of commission, what I fear I would only longer hide through errors of omission. I often pray Psa 19:12, 13 for myself. (12) “Who can understand his errors? Cleanse thou me from secret faults. (13) Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transgression”.

I also pray for boldness for those of you who would help me past these hurtful ways, that I might always be a blessing to all of you.

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